This Could Have Been An Amazing Invention

What do men think of when they are doing absolutely nothing, just staring into the distance with unfocused eyes like a junkie living in his own private world?

Money? Sex? Footbal? Politics?

Take your pick. Well, I was doing the 'thinking-about-sex-thing-because-i-had-absolutely-nothing-to-do' when my wandering mind drifted languidly to the good old days where the use of condoms was just for the prevention of unwanted pregnancy and good old fashioned STD's like gonorrhea.

Back then, seducing a girl was very straightforward. A simple point A to point B situation with no more complications like those simple linear equations you meet in your first encounter with algebra in mathematics class. Sticking with the math theme, seducing a girl in this age of HIV/AIDS is as difficult as those confusing quadratic equations that can't seem to make up their minds about what they really want to be.

OK, let me break it down for you.

Remember, I was just musing these things because I had absolutely nothing to do. It is very difficult to successfully seduce a girl if you have to pause the process to get your condom. It would have been cool if you can insert a condom on a flaccid thing before you start the seduction. But with all the techies doing wonderful stuff with silicons and integrated circuits, nobody has bothered to invent... let's just call it 'condom on the go' or COTG.

Wouldn't that be cool?

Picture a normal daily routine for a normal virile young man. You wake up in the morning, say your prayers if you are that kind of religious person; brush your teeth; go the toilet with your phone to browse while your body does the needful; and take your bath. It's now time to dress up for the day. You just open your drawer or wherever you keep it, and simply wear your COTG over your 'thing', put on your boxers, then a pair of trousers, shirt, shoes and what not and you are ready for the day.

Completely ready, with your COTG in place, you know you can engage in any impromptu seduction without thinking of halting your smooth moves to break open a pack of condom to use. Let's face it. We men have lost several opportunities of a good romp in the hay because of the inconvenience of getting a condom. Some girls just lose interest while you go look for a condom, while others, the skittish ones mostly (and to be honest, most girls are skittish when it comes to a quickie) just run away in alarm as if it just dawned on them they were about to commit the most despicable act known to man.

An act so despicable it ranks alongside Hitler's crimes in the notoriety scale (in the girl’s mind of course). Well that's a bit far fetched, but you get my point? Here is a time-honored, well-used apt cliche that thoroughly summaries and eloquently but simply explains this situation, 'The importance of A COTG cannot be overemphasized.' Then my thoughts (don't forget, I was just thinking because I had nothing to do) drifted to Dr Abalaka, that man who claimed to have found a cure for AIDS back in 1999.

What is holding up that HIV vaccine for God's sake?

I remember the man made millions from some soldiers suffering from aids; then the OBJ government banned his drugs from being used on people, ostensibly because Abalaka refused to have the drugs verified by a reputable agency like the world renowned Centre for Disease Control in Atlanta. Recently, an Abuja high Court unbanned the drugs after 15 years of legal battle between Abalaka and the government. So does that mean we would soon get a vaccine for HIV and a cure for AIDS over the counter or easily and freely in hospitals?

Well, I guess that depends on if you belief Abalaka's claim that he has the remedy for HIV/AIDS.

How would the cure impact on the development of the awesome COTG? Time will time.

Only time will tell.

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